Being a musician's girlfriend means that we don't always get to have regular date nights. I usually work during the week and am too exhausted to do anything on week nights, but by the time the weekend rolls around and I have regained my strength, he is off playing at his gigs and we can't really do much.
In the beginning of our relationship I deluded myself into thinking that going to his shows counted as actual dates. I mean, I would dress up, we would have a couple of drinks, and I would listen to him play, but truth of the matter is that we rarely spent any quality time together that way. He'd be busy setting up and getting things ready with the band and I would be left alone. This would eventually make me mad, and although I tried to brush it off and pretend I was okay, I know for a fact that I never hid it very well. He would notice, ask me what was wrong, I would tell him, he would stress out, and the act of juggling the band as well as the girlfriend would begin. Eventually he'd get mad at my lack of understanding, we'd fight, and our so called "date night" would end up a bit of a disaster.
This lasted for quite some time. Eventually I realized that I needed to step back and give him his space. His gigs are not just gigs, they're his job. I wouldn't want him hanging around at my job all the time and I'm pretty sure I'd get in trouble for it if he did, so why should I do the same to him? Once I came to this realization I started staying home more. I'd help him put his equipment in the car, give him a big kiss, wish him luck, and that was it. He'd go stress free, rock out, and then come back home and excitedly tell me all about it. In the end, those 4 am recaps of what had happened during the night were a million time better than all the "forced dates" combined.
I still go to his shows every now and then. I like to show my support and I especially love watching him play, but I always try to go with friends. That way, when he's off doing his thing he doesn't have to worry about me being alone. He gets to play worry free and I get to have some much needed fun.
Being a musician's girlfriend isn't always easy and after two years I'm still learning, but at the end of the day I love him and that means I love everything about him, especially his love for music.
Thanks for writing this....it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through the frustration of being with a musician and I'm all new to this...my fiancé has been a musician since I met him but he wasn't in a band until recently and I've been having trouble coping with the fact they may go on tour for a month next year and I'll be left here (you know making the money to pay the bills...especially since his band isn't a very well known one yet and probably won't be making a lot of money) where we moved together pretty much alone while he is traveling to all these awesome places I've always wanted to go.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it helped someone...trust me you are not alone! I have become more understanding of the situation even though it still kind of sucks being alone...but you know what...since I've given him his space he's actually been more attentive and thoughtful. I guess me not being there all the time has made him miss me and appreciate me more, so that's a plus! Be strong, hang on and trust me, things will get better. If you ever need someone to vent to, I'm here! We musician's girlfriends gotta stick together!
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